There's an old saying, "in vino veritas" - in wine, there is truth. I believe in the saying, "in adhevo veritas." In comedy, there is truth. This past Friday, Bill Maher issued a new rule entitled "Boy Blunder," discussing the ridiculousness of Republicans attacking "big government." I've copied the routine below for all to enjoy and think about.
Republicans must stop pitting the American people against the government. Now last week we heard a speech from future Republican leader and present awkward douchebag Bobby Jindal. Now, Bobby said that government is lame, but Americans can do anything. And he kept repeating it. Americans can do anything. Americans can do anything. And then he clicked his heels and poof- there was just a cobra! I kid, Bobby, oh please! He's actually quite charming in a Revenge-of-the-Nerds sort of way. And he began his speech last week with a story every immigrant tells about going to an American grocery store for the first time and being overwhelmed with the endless variety on the shelves. And this was just a 7-11, wait 'til he sees a Safeway! (You're wounded, I know. I'll make it up to you after the show).
The thing is that endless variety only exists because Americans pay taxes to a government, which maintains roads, irrigates fields, maintains the electric grid, and everything else that enables the modern American supermarket to carry forty-seven varieties of frozen breakfast pastry. Of course it's easy to tear government down. Ronald Reagan used to say the nine most terrifying words in the English language were, "I am from the government and I'm here to help." But that was before, "I am Sarah Palin, now show me the launch codes."
You know the stimulus package was attacked as typical "tax-and-spend." You know, like repairing bridges is typical left-wing stuff. "Ooh, there the liberals go again, always wanting to get across the river!" Folks, the People are the government. The first responders to a fire, that's the government. The ranger who shoos pedophiles out of the park restroom, that's the government. The postman who delivers your porn. I mean, how stupid is it when people say, "Oh yeah, that's all we need- the federal government telling Detroit how to make cars and Wells Fargo how to run a bank. You want them to look like the post office?"
Yeah, actually. I mean...You mean the place that takes the note in my hand in L.A. on Monday and gives it to my sister in New Jersey on Wednesday for forty-two cents? Well let me be the first to say I would be thrilled if America's healthcare system was anywhere near as functional as the post office. Truth is, recent years have made me much more wary of government doing the opposite, of stepping aside and letting unregulated private enterprise run things it is plainly too greedy to trust with, like Wall Street, like rebuilding Iraq. Like the way Republicans always frame the healthcare debate by saying, "healthcare decisions should be made by doctors and patients, not government bureaucrats," leaving out the fact that health decisions aren't made by doctors, patients, or bureaucrats. They're made by insurance companies. Insurance companies, which are a lot like hospital gowns- chances are, your ass isn't covered.
All right, thank you folks.
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